The Answer is Within You

From Medicine Woman Tarot, created by Carol Bridges

But how exactly do you find it!

For several weeks at the end of the old year I was plagued by jumbled thoughts and overly-sensitive emotions about an issue.  I tried to put my finger on it.  Things weren’t quite right.  No sense of camaraderie.  The familiar was gone and nothing left felt cozy or comforting. 

I couldn’t enter the New Year with this detritus.  It would destroy me.  I needed clarity but knew it would take work to find it.  I’d have to go back to the desert to dig up dry bones and connect them.  Breathe life into them.  Find an answer.

Where did this come from?  Why was it affecting me like this?  How could I fix it?  Did I even want to!

So, I breathed in and out.  In and out.  Deeply.  Slowly.  Deliberately.

As I cradled the deck of cards in my hands, I knew the answer was within me.  I shuffled the cards, slowly.  I breathed over them.  Held them lovingly.  They’d pick up the warmth of my psychic energy and would not disappoint.  I believed in them.  They believed in me.  The answer was within me.

I chose a 3-card spread:  what’s been holding me (past), how does it sit with me today (present), and how can it take me to a higher level (future)?

I stopped shuffling and broke the deck, laying out the top 3 cards in order, left to right:

1.  PAST:  2 of Arrows/Swords
vacillation, defensiveness, repressed emotions, blindness to truth, doubt, paralysis, in the dark.

A choice needs to be made.  Unable to make decision.  Stuck.  Fear of consequences.  Disagreement or conflict with someone.  Overwhelmed. 

Interpretation:  Must be honest with self, clear the air and move on.  Take responsibility for my own desires and limitations.

2.  PRESENT:  4 of Bowls/Cups
loneliness, introspection, apathy, inertia, self-absorption, self-pity, despair.

Resentment/disappointment because expectations haven’t been fulfilled.  Let down.  Feelings of isolation.  Deeply hurt.  Dissatisfaction.  Strong desire for change.

  

Interpretation:  Reevaluate present circumstances.  Take responsibility for impasse.  Adopt new approach.  Restore myself.  Move past worries/fears to love myself and accept love from others.

3.  FUTURE:  17 Grandfathers/Star
spiritual vision, birth, independence, calmness, free-flowing love, trust, tranquility, peace of mind, serenity, generosity, hope.

Faith in better future.  Renewed trust in life.  Light at the end of the tunnel.  Wish-fulfillment.  Joy.  Help is on its way.  Happy outcome expected.  Spiritual prosperity.  Clarity.

Interpretation:  Release doubts and fears.  Act in accordance with my true nature for tranquility and inner peace.  Serve and give with gratitude.  Stay calm and relaxed for efforts to come to fruition.

Within 2 days of the New Year, I found my answer.  I had clarity and the weight of the world fell off my shoulders.

I grew up on daily meditations, using the Bible and/or devotional books for what we called Quiet Time.  After my divorce in 1990, ostracized by the organized church for being a gay woman, I delved into the world of my maternal grandfather, one of America’s astrology forefathers back in the ‘20s.

Shortly thereafter I discovered Tarot meditation and found hundreds of decks from which to choose.  Someone said to choose a deck that spoke to me!  When I found Medicine Woman Tarot, with deference to Mother Earth and Native American healing, I immediately chose it.  Or perhaps She chose me, to guide my new journey.

And thus began the travel into my inner, psychic self.  I really do believe the answers are within us and can be found, regardless of what tools we use. 

So many questions answers; so little time.  Let’s go find them in 2013! 

Joy to the World

The first time I heard that the Jews, Christians and Muslims all share the same, foundational Holy Writ (the Torah, the 5 books of Moses in the Old Testament, and the Tawrat/Quran), was…I’m so ashamed to say…when I was in my 40s.  [How is that possible, coming from a preacher’s home?!]

Assuming Google is correct, ca. 33% of the world’s population are Christian (1 out of 3 people); 25% are Muslim (1 out of 4 people); and 0.2% are Jewish (1 out of 514 people).  Quick math:  ca. 58% of the world’s population share the same Holy Scripture.

The impact of this starts hitting home when you consider that most of the world apparently grew up with The Ten Commandments:  Thou shalt not kill, for starters. 

For those of us who are Christian, Jesus came early on the scene with his Sermon on the Mount, calling the peacemakers “blessed” and saying that those who are angry are as bad as those who kill.  He said, in essence, that the letter of the law has a spirit:  the law is fulfilled when we are peacemakers, not just when we don’t kill.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot since Astrid and I visited Antwerp’s Jewish neighborhood over the Thanksgiving weekend and found ourselves surrounded by Orthodox Jews leaving their synagogues on their Sabbath.  Wars and rumors of war between Israel and Palestine and potentially Iran, to say nothing of the entire Middle East, are rumbling in the brain’s recesses.  Just more of the same ol’ same ol’ on the CNN Int'l news I watch here in the Netherlands.  Including now what just happened in Newtown, CT, closer to home. 

Now, jump to this.

Remember when Jesus also said to love your neighbor as yourself…and how many of us grew up emphasizing the neighbor part but not the yourself part?!  How can you possibly love your neighbor if you don’t love yourself first, right?!  Yada yada yada.  [And when did we learn that in church?]

But.  If you don’t love yourself, how can you be a peacemaker?  If you aren’t a peacemaker, how can you have joy?  If you don’t love yourself how can you have joy!  If you’re angry, how can you love yourself and make peace and have joy?  And that’s not even 6 degrees of separation!

I often say “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.”  How about also “Let there be love on earth and let it begin with me loving myself.”

And how about “Let there be JOY TO THE WORLD and let it begin with me in my own heart!”

Evil in the open is but evil from within that has been let out.
The main battlefield for good is not the open ground of the public arena
but the small clearing of each heart.
--Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Home for the Holidays

Or, rather, what to do when you’re not!

For those who know me well, it’s not a secret that the hardest American holiday for me to miss while living overseas is Thanksgiving.  In fact, it’s harder than all the other ones combined.  And as testament to its still non-commercial value, it hasn’t yet hopped over The Pond.

Which is to say there could be a bit of a reprieve if I could pick a restaurant nearby and have some facsimile of the Thanksgiving feast.  However, while I have seen hundreds of free-range chickens while out-n-about here in the Netherlands, I have never seen one turkey.  I don’t think the Dutch grow them.  Besides, if our microwave-sized oven is typical of most, no turkey would fit in it whole.

Dear Astrid has offered each year for us to drive to Amsterdam an hour away to eat the traditional meal at Hard Rock Café.  Bless her.  But it’s not the same, with the rest of the country working and my own family absent.

So, after resigning myself now for the third year in a row, I resort to the “second blessing”…the memories of years past with good family, good food, good fun and good…FOOTBALL.

Though I paid my dues and did my fair share, I was not one who ever gravitated to the kitchen over the holidays.  In later years my mantra was “I’ll do the dishes if you cook!”  You’d quicker see me in front of the TV with the men-folk, watching, if I was lucky, the grand finales of the college football season.

Now, skip back to when we were in Atlanta this past September.  That’s when grandson Nicholas (my dancing partner) roped Astrid into getting the house rigged up for football action at the beginning of the season. 

But here’s the thing….

We make up one heck of a football family!  When 3 of the 4 colleges/universities represented are BIG ones, you’re really talking football business.  There’s moi, a MICHIGAN grad (U of M, Go Blue).  Amy, my firstborn, is a grad of Flagler College in St. Augustine, FL, not what you’d call a football school (said with a straight face).  But she married a man who more than makes up for that as a SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA (USC) grad.  And son Mark graduated from GEORGIA.  Three biggies and all from different conferences, so we can all be happy when each other wins.

Did I mention OREGON?  Nope.  That’s because it’s still a figment of Nicholas’ imagination right now.  It’s HIS favorite football school because…he likes the colors (or so he told Astrid).

Now that you know the important details, you understand why it was hard to be away from the family right now.  Did I mention good family, good food, good fun and good…FOOTBALL?

I always flip a switch, of course.  The money I would spend on a feast I give to charity.  And when I stopped to really think about it, I said to Astrid, “In spite of missing home for the holidays, look at how much I have here with you!”  For one, we drove an hour away to Antwerp, Belgium, on Black Friday and spent an overnight there to see the city.  How many in my family would have given anything to do that!

And besides, while last year Michigan finally beat Ohio State after a 7-year losing streak, sadly they lost 2 days ago in what must have been a nail-biter, 26-21.

Astrid says, “Sometimes you lose and sometimes you gain.” 

And always you have the memories…the second blessings.  I truly am thankful!

All the World's a Stage

CNN World Headquarters, Atlanta, GA

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts….
--William Shakespeare, As You Like It

If ever there’s been a stage with its players…if ever a time for exits and entrances…it’s been this 2012 American presidential election, ready to take its “final” bow tomorrow.

Fear not.  This is not a political announcement and I do NOT approve that message.

This is an announcement about the world being our stage.  Not America.  Not the UK.  Not Europe.  The WORLD.  The  w h o l e   w i d e   w o r l d.

This is an announcement about how love wins, not hate.  About how peace begins with us in our own homes and relationships.  No matter who wins the election tomorrow!

For the past 7 years I have lived in Europe part or full-time every month.  For the last 3 years it’s been full-time, while married to my Dutch wife.  It actually helps to get away to see America as others outside see it.  As Astrid and her co-workers see it.  You learn what truly is ugly.  What makes your eyes roll. 

I’m not always proud to be an American, to be honest….

BUT. 

I AM an American and have a rich heritage of freedoms many in the rest of the world can only dream of.  For one, I can vote, and I did.  My absentee ballot was mailed over a month ago, and even though it’s from a very RED state and means my vote probably doesn’t count, I had the freedom to vote.  I’d like to believe it counts on some level.  Sure, I can’t yet move back to said Red State with Astrid as my wife (or any state, for that matter, Red or Blue), but I had the freedom to leave and marry her here.  [And we can go back to visit without being stoned.]

Love wins, not hate.  And so as the stage takes on a new energy tomorrow, regardless of who wins, my heart is expanding to accept it, at all costs.  Against all odds.  If my candidate wins, will I be gracious in victory?  If my candidate loses, will I be gracious in defeat, trusting a Greater Power to stem the tide of a rearing, vitriolic head seldom seen in election years?

Talk about the gut-wrenching power of social media!  The money spent!

When the dust settles from all the lies and hate, we’ll be left with the world stage and how America will once again find her way.  I watched her stumble and lose her foothold there for awhile.  Then she started to stand tall once again.  Does she need to be #1 in the world?  I doubt it.  Does she need to be the best in everything?  She’s not!  I'm over it.  But does she need to lead by example and get her house back in order?  Oh yes, Virginia.  YES.

The choice tomorrow is America’s but the impact is on the entire world, whether we like it or not.  Will we embrace ourselves as well as the rest of the human family on earth?  Will we move forward in the spirit of solidarity?  Will we cooperate globally?  Will we Blog4Peace?  

Merely players.  Exits and entrances.  Many parts.  The grand scheme of things.  Love, not hate.  Peace, not war. 

Dona Nobis Pacem
Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me!
(I approve this message.)