Sunday, August 22, 2010

On Pleasing All the People All the Time




It can't be done, of course, but why does it take some of us so dang long to figure out!

Repetition aside, I was born into a preacher's home, #3 of 8 kids, where everything we did was under scrutiny of Dad's congregation and community (or so he thought).  There were many things we were not allowed to do because  we were preacher's kids.  What would people think!  Add to that the #3 positioning and I became what
John Bradshaw calls a Golden Child in my family.  I did everything right.  I was a people pleaser.  [I wasn't dumb!]

First, I studied hard and was Salutatorian of my high school class.  I graduated from the well-respected Univerity of Michigan.  Then I became a missionary-linguist to a tribal group in Peru whose language had not yet been written.  After coming back home to marry Bill, we worked in a ministry to college students for 16 years.  It was all like clockwork.  Doing what everyone expected from me.  High up on a pedestal.  Beaming people all around.

Then I fell from grace.  Kaboom.  After 21 years of a good marriage, Bill and I divorced because my being gay just wasn't going away, no matter how hard I tried.  So we did the right and fair thing for each other...but in the process, the Golden Child became Humpty-Dumpty who fell off the wall and couldn't be put back together again, at least not in the same way.

When Preacher Dad found out, sister Nancy told me he nearly had a heart attack.  Immediately, and without giving it a second's thought, I exclaimed to her, "Shame on him!"  Instinctively I knew in that moment that if anyone in the world should have been there for me, it would have been my preacher dad who supposedly knew about the love and grace of Almighty God!  But I shocked myself.  Did I say that?  Suddenly I knew I was figuring it out.  You cannot please all the people all the time, not even the ones you love the most.

So the Journey began.  The Journey of being me, myself and I, no matter what people thought.  I was 45.

Now fast forward.  When I first started posting my images on
Shutterchance 4 years ago, I had no clue what I was doing.  I had never taken a photography course and barely knew how to use my camera other than to point and shoot and upload my pictures.  Within the first two weeks I received a couple comments that "criticised" what I had done.  I was so devasted I almost quit.  Thankfully, I DIDN'T but swallowed hard and paid attention to what was being critiqued.

What I have discovered, however, good critisms and critiques notwithstanding, is that photography, like life, is something where you simply CANNOT please all the people all the time.  "It's too dark.  I don't like how you cropped it.  You shouldn't have cut off the top.  It would look better in color.  I don't like your texture."  Etc., etc.

I am learning to curb my tongue, graciously accepting the "opinions" of others, even if I don't agree with them.  I don't say "shame on you," nor do I even wince that much anymore.  I do better if the criticism isn't harsh, but the older I get, the more I pay attention to what daughter Amy told me when I started:  "Mom, it's YOUR blog and you can do whatever you want!"

Having said that, I still die for at least some of you appreciating my images!  [I'm not dumb!]  How's that for climbing back up on the pedestal wall!  :) 




1 comment:

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